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  6. weyheyitsamyy asked: So whats your handicap? (Golf)-14 year old girl

    Sensitive subject. Let’s just say… the sandtrap (har har).

     
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  8. Anonymous asked: I dare you to tell me from memory where we keep the rice cooker in the kitchen.

    Why do we need a rice cooker, can’t we cook rice in a pot? If it’s good enough for the Chinese… Oh, don’t look at me like that, that wasn’t offensive.

     

  9. Anonymous asked: Hi, I'm Jennifer. I'll be your server for this evening. Can I start you off with something to drink?

    Jennifer! Good to have you with us. I’m Harry, this is my wife Lynn, and that young man slinking down in his seat is my son Mike. Sit up straight, Mike. Don’t worry, Jenny, Mike “doesn’t like girls” so I won’t try to pair you off. He should be so lucky! Oh Lynn, I’m just kidding. Jenny knows, don’t you Jenny? We’ll have a round of Diet Cokes, Lynn will want a lemon, and what can you tell me about your specials tonight?

     

  10. Anonymous asked: Will you please start putting a black outline on your text. You're us look retarded.

    Out-of-character-pro-tip: Always really proofread your unwanted anonymous messages accusing other people of looking “retarded.”

    Also, that’s kind of the point, you politically incorrect dickwad.